📰 This Week in Dementia News 📰

Living with dementia:

• Man With Alzheimer's Proposes to Wife of 4 Decades (Newser): “The bride and groom had already logged nearly four decades of marriage before he asked her to marry him again—forgetting he'd done it the first time.” A beautiful story of how going with the flow can lead to beautiful moments for all.

• An Alzheimer’s breakthrough 10 years in the making (Harvard Gazette): lithium, in use for decades for depression, depression, and prevention of manic episodes, is now looking very promising in efforts to prevent or even reverse Alzheimer’s disease.

• Alzheimer's Association releases safety tips ahead of winter storm (WGRZ): some basic tips for helping those with dementia during the cold weather season.

The “Carb Corner”

I’ll admit it: I’m Ben, and I’m a sugar junky. Carbs in general are my downfall. If I could get away with it, I’d live on pizza and gummi bears! That said, more and more evidence shows just how bad my eating habits are for me, and I’m moving in the right direction now to live a life with fewer carbs. The link to dementia is a big reason for my about-face.

• Studies Are Increasingly Finding High Blood Sugar May Be Associated With Dementia (Forbes): “A new study published in Diabetes, Obesity and Metabolism has found a significant association between blood sugar and the development of Alzheimer’s dementia.”

• The type of carbs you eat may affect dementia risk (Science Daily): “A large long-term study found that diets high in fast-acting carbs that rapidly raise blood sugar were linked to a higher risk of dementia.”

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Caregiver’s Corner: Why “fiblet”?

I’ve gotten much more agreeable since my mom developed Alzheimer’s disease — at least with her. I’m still a bit of a curmudgeon with everyone else! 🤣 

Why? Because agreeing is cognitively easy for everyone to process. Disagreement takes a lot more mental work, and for someone with dementia that may not be possible.

When we disagree over the simplest matter — “The Smiths are visiting on Tuesday, not Wednesday,” or “we’re supposed to get off the highway at Exit 27” — it takes a renegotiation or realignment. We have to consider what the other person is seeing and square it with what we are seeing in order to decide whether we continue on our own track, acquiesce to the other person’s point of view, or strike a compromise.

This is an exercise in bringing competing realities into alignment: maybe I realize that I missed the exit because I was not paying attention, or maybe I know from experience that getting off the highway at Exit 28 is actually faster. Either way, I have to consider what the other person is saying and formulate a response based on the experience we’re sharing.

For people with dementia, that may not be possible. Especially in the later stages, their senses may be telling them a story that is completely outside the reality we see. They may ask why you never visit: that’s the reality they have to work with. Telling them that you were just there yesterday does not square with what they know about the world, regardless of your experience.

Think about it like this. You’re looking at a gas stove with the flames going, and someone tells you that if you put your hand in the fire you won’t be burned. Would you believe them? I hope not! But why do you feel that way? It’s because all of your past experiences, not to mention your present sensations of the heat, tell you that you will be burned.

When someone with dementia insists on something that’s untrue to you, remember that they are also relying on their senses and memories to construct their story. Just like you wouldn’t reach into the flame no matter what anyone says, it will be impossible for them to deny what their senses are telling them.

When we find ourselves in this place, how much good can disagreement do?

In Jolene Brackey’s excellent book, Creating Moments of Joy, she says:

There are lots of names for this strategy. Some people call it therapeutic lying. Others call them “fiblets.” I don’t like the implications of those words. They imply that you are being dishonest. You’re not. You’re simply stepping into the reality of someone who can’t come to yours. You’re making an effort to see into their world and speak in their language. Their reality is just as real to them as yours is to you. Like any good guest, when you visit their reality you try to be agreeable and create a positive environment.

Last week, it was my mom’s birthday. I asked her if she knew it was her birthday and she responded “I don’t think so.” Note that she was wearing a “birthday princess” sash (not my idea!) and there was a whole room of people wishing her happy birthday. I could have said, “Mom look at all of this evidence. Of course it’s your birthday!” But would that have made for a happy birthday? Instead, I said “well, someone brought cake so let’s pig out!” It was delicious and we had fun. Who cares what day it was?

Since I’ve started agreeing, everyone has had more fun. Step into their world and see what happens. You might be surprised at what a difference it makes to speak to them from reality as your loved one experiences it.